May 2010
3 posts
Discovering New Features Together: Behind the...
...
Michael: haha
Mike: i've never had an apricot
Michael: haha neither have i
Michael: i was just trying to one up your randomness
...
Discovering New Features Together
Mike: duuuuuude
Michael: whaaaat
Mike: i just discovered something in OSX i bet you dont know about
Michael: what
Mike: open terminal
Mike: in the dock, right click
Mike: click new remote connection
Mike: you're welcome
Michael: what does this do
Mike: you can save ssh logins
Michael: i mean how is this useful
Michael: ohhhhhh
Mike: I'M WAITING
Michael: meh
Mike: dude
Mike: you never have to type another password in terminal again
Michael: i never do anyway
Michael: theres these things called rsa keys
Michael: HEARD OF THEM
Mike: if you ever use this i will sue you for not thanking me
Michael: i wont use this
Mike: GOOD
Michael: this is harder
Mike: YOU DONT HAVE MY PERMISSION
Michael: FUCK YOU
Mike: IM NOT ALLOWING YOU TO USE IT
Mike: IN FACT
Mike: DELETE TERMINAL.APP RIGHT NOW
Michael: I'LL DELETE YOUR FACE
Mike: I'M OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE
Mike: WITH A GUN
Mike: AND A CINNABON
Mike: IM GOING TO EAT THE CINNABON IN FRONT OF YOU
Mike: THEN KILL YOU
Michael: IM INSIDE
Michael: WITH A KNIFE
Michael: AND AN APRICOT
Mike: YOU SON OF A BITCH
Michael: WIN
1 example, 0 failures
describe 'jagoff'
it 'should be mike keen' do
@jagoff1 = Jagoff.new
@jagoff1.name.downcase.should == 'mike keen'
end
end
December 2009
1 post
Real Life
Mike: there is this awesome website i gotta show you
Mike: it's called
Mike: REAL LIFE
Mike: BURN
Michael: that's not a valid url
Mike: haha
Mike: outside://reallife
Michael: protocol not found
August 2009
1 post
No Rhyme or Reason
Michael: oh man
Michael: it came in a can
Michael: i drank it in a van
Michael: i was the man
Mike: then you ran
Mike: and you got real tan
Michael: then i ran into my number one fan
Mike: but then found out he belonged to the clan!
Mike: (oh no)
Michael: i felt like such a ham
Mike: so you said god dam
Michael: and connected to my WAN
Michael: and went on 4chan
April 2009
1 post
Crunch Time
...
Mike: yezzzir
Mike: i will fix that if i have time
Mike: hurray for the hit list
Michael: haha it's not the the half assed list
Mike: putting something on a list is half as good as doing it
...
Gapers Block
...
Mike: gapers huh
Michael: fucking people who slow down on the highway to look at accidents.
Michael: we call them gapers
Michael: and they cause gapers block
Mike: ohhh
Mike: i hate those people
Michael: yah
Michael: its a chicago word
Michael: you can't have it
Mike: its also a porn term
Michael: gaper?
Michael: is that a person who slows down on the highway to look at porn?
Mike: yes
Michael: neat
...
March 2009
4 posts
"Am I in Fucking gMail?" with Derek
Derek: wanna chat here?
Michael: what
Michael: why
Michael: am i in fucking gmail?
Michael: haha
Derek: yea, you were
Derek: haha
Derek: sorry
Michael: noooo
...
"Euros" with special guest Derek
...
Michael: i have 20 euro.
Michael: and no way to use it
Michael: haha
Derek: what a waste
Derek: well, its worth more than our money
Michael: haha yeah
Michael: i should buy a house
...
Google is Down!
...
Mike: http://www.google.com/
Mike: holy shit
Mike: WHAT DO WE DO
Michael: RUN
Mike: and yahoo!s traffic is exponentially increasing as we speak
Mike: haha
Michael: google is fucking up lately.
Mike: yeah
Michael: i bet they are going to blame europe again
Mike: haha
Michael: everyone called their ISP
Michael: my internet is donw
Mike: haha
Mike: google === the internet
Michael: yup
Michael: dude what if they forgot to renew google.com
Michael: they are fucked
Mike: oo and i just snatched it
Michael: haha you'd be so fucking lucky
Mike: i'd be like... quit your job, yo
Michael: i'd be all DONE
Mike: and we'd be like MONEY
Mike: and google would be all FUCKERS
Michael: and google'd be all we sue you
Michael: and we'd be all nooooo
Mike: i'd be all gimme $50,000
Michael: haha thats all you'd ask for?
Mike: just so i'd be sure they'd say yes
Michael: haha well
Michael: godaddy or whoever would cave
Mike: i dont want it to look outrageous in court
Michael: and just give them the domain back
Mike: i would sue danika patrick
Michael: she's the ceo of godaddy
...
February 2009
3 posts
Chick Flick
...
Mike: recommend me a good chick/drama type movie
Michael: titanic
Mike: something a little more obscure
Mike: haha
Michael: gone with the wind
Mike: *sigh*
...
Superiority Complex
...
Michael: i always wondered that
Michael: if ssh was smart enough
Michael: or somehow tell it to look outside of ssh
Mike: no
Michael: well that blows
Mike: haha
Michael: i don't get why unix is so popular...
Mike: are you trolling me?
Michael: yes
Mike: haha
Michael: windows is far superior.
Mike: windows nt ftw
...
Windows
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Michael: installing mt on windows should be fun
Mike: it'll be easy
Mike: its just perl
Michael: its an exe?
Mike: there's nothing to install
Mike: it just runs
Mike: haha you are so mystified by windows
Michael: THE SLASHES ARE GOING A DIFFERENT WAY YOU HAVE TO RECOMPILE
Mike: my bad honkey
...
January 2009
2 posts
Redundant Backups
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Mike: thumb drive shmumb drive
Michael: then save the images to the drive
Michael: go to the bank
Michael: place the drive in the box
Michael: no go to a lawyer
Michael: and make me your next of kin
Mike: i think you are over complicating this
Michael: and instructions to give me the key to the safety deposit box
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Use Case Nightmare
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Mike: i just suspend
Michael: haha
Michael: suspend
Mike: it does it automagically when i close the lid
Michael: you are a use case nightmare
Mike: dude what?
Mike: it's made for that
Mike it's a lappy top
...
November 2008
2 posts
Time Machine
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Mike: time machine constantly backs up
Michael: that's what it does dick face
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“Money doesn’t grow on trees, it comes from the blood of the weak.”
– Michael
July 2008
5 posts
Role Playing
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Mike: i saved everybody's ass and nobody knows but me
Michael: you killed him didn't you
Michael: you threw him up against a boulder and he hit his head
Mike: a boulder fell off a cliff and crushed him
Michael: and you ran back to the hatch
Mike: like piggy from lord of the flies
Michael: see, now you just ruined the thing we had going
Mike: oh noes
...
Criss Angel
...
Mike: criss angel just did the oldest trick in the fucking book
Michael: haha the thumb one?
Mike: he ripped a telephone book in half
Michael: or the I took your nose one?
Michael: haha
Michael: he's such a quack.
Michael: If magicians had licenses to take away they should take his.
Michael: or they should give him one and then take it away
Mike: haha
...
World Renowned
...
Michael: no they don
Michael: I was in line with a developer
Michael: he was pissed
Mike: he's probably a moron
Michael: he has 3 apps ready to go and he can't get a developer key
Mike: no
Mike: why would they give you one then?
Mike: maybe his apps suck
Michael: because I am Michael Simmons, world renowned web developer.
Mike: haha ok
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LOST Scam
...
Mike: THE ORCHID
Michael: and that would have been the end of the show
Michael: I bet they put it in there as a way to kill it all
Mike: LOST
Michael: what a good show
Mike: it's essentially a scam.
Michael: haha
Mike: but I decided to buy into it
Michael: at the end they'll ask for our bofa logins
Mike: haha
...
June 2008
1 post
Scaling Issues
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Mike: have you ever used ruby
Michael: yes once
Michael: I had it say hello world
Mike: oooo
Michael: then it broke
Mike: prints "hello world"
Michael: and i went back to php
Michael: it wouldn't scale
Michael: I was all wtf
Mike: haha
Mike: your hello world didn't scale
...
May 2008
1 post
Social
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Mike: one of my clients just invited me to be his friend on hi5.com
Michael: oooo
Michael: i hear its the new facebook
Mike: really?
Michael: yeah
Michael: its got social stuff
Mike: this shit goes in cycles
Mike: people get sick of the top dog site
Mike: then another site becomes huge
...
April 2008
1 post
Enterprise PHP
Mike: you actually shouldn't use die() there.
Michael: it kills the app.
Mike: yeah but look at the script. it would have ended anyways without die().
Michael: haha, i wanted to be sure.
Mike: haha... you should put a die() at the end of the script.
Mike: just wrap the whole thing in
if(phpinfo()){
...
} else {
die("This script requires PHP");
}
Michael: if(function_exists("phpinfo")){
eval(base64_decode("......."));
} else {
die("This script requires PHP");
}
Mike: haha brilliant
February 2008
1 post
Idiots
Mike: I am an idiot
Michael: I know you are
Mike: :)